EP Hemingweigh said…
here is the third of three
any ideas of what word to put in now?
returned call no luck
known disturbance it cant be
scream who am i __________
or
exchanged words failure
noted confusion what who
volcanic shriek ___________
April 30, 2009 6:53 AM
EP- In the first one you might try the word “now”. It’s simple and to the point. It doesn’t have a lot of surprise to it, but sort of fits the rest of the line.
In the second one you could try a word like “breathe” to go with shriek or maybe refer to a person like “dad” or even a specific name. It’s sort of had to stick to one syllable here. I admit I like the second haiku a little better because of the stronger image of the volcano. I also prefer the word shriek over the word scream. Then again, you’ll probably come up with something complete different that will be even better. Surprise us all!
Goat- Love the pics and the haiku. You really capture the unsteadiness of passion. I’ve loved having a post every day this week. What a treat. SooOOooo much better than the morning paper. 🙂 Thanks.
EP Hemingweigh said…
here is the third of three
any ideas of what word to put in now?
returned call no luck
known disturbance it cant be
scream who am i __________
or
exchanged words failure
noted confusion what who
volcanic shriek ___________
April 30, 2009 6:53 AM
EP- In the first one you might try the word “now”. It’s simple and to the point. It doesn’t have a lot of surprise to it, but sort of fits the rest of the line.
In the second one you could try a word like “breathe” to go with shriek or maybe refer to a person like “dad” or even a specific name. It’s sort of had to stick to one syllable here. I admit I like the second haiku a little better because of the stronger image of the volcano. I also prefer the word shriek over the word scream. Then again, you’ll probably come up with something complete different that will be even better. Surprise us all!
Goat- Love the pics and the haiku. You really capture the unsteadiness of passion. I’ve loved having a post every day this week. What a treat. SooOOooo much better than the morning paper. 🙂 Thanks.
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