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Susan Cowger

Art & Poetry

Art Poetry

40 DAYS

by Susan Cowger 10 Comments

Everyone is giving things up and I’m stuck
on 40 days. Another 40 days–
Noah bobbing in a flood;
Moses too too long on a clouded mountain;
Goliath getting his great big self up each day 
and taunting Israel;
Jesus saying no to tantalizing offers.
  
Yep, and 40 days of Lent. 
The symbol of testing.
For most people I know it’s
self-imposed testing.
You know the drill…
an exercise in self-control.
Time elongates inexorably for me
with the hope of yielding up
my flesh, 
stretching me, 
into a transparent soul before God.
YET
out of this sacrificial,
seemingly reverential act, 
I watch myself proudly generate 
some kind of proof of my love to God.
My sacrifice swings the world around 
into brand new focus:
ME.
ME quietly and constantly 
summing up how well I’VE done at this.

And if you must know, 
this is an expectation, 
an assumption of garnering 
some kind of pleasure from God.
Call it me getting brownie points 
for not eating one.
I know this feels critical.
It is.
I’ve made the 40 day prep
 for Resurrection Day
ALL ABOUT ME. 
Salvation is not earned.
Ever. 
And selflessness….
well it’s like humility:
as soon as you think of it
you’re not doing it. 
So I am honestly asking the question:
How does one retire the will, the self, 
into the hands of the Lord
in genuine selflessness
even for one day? 
Not my will but Thy will be done.

HOW DO YOU GIVE YOUR WILL TO GOD?
Is there a way to not think so much about me
for 1 or 2 or 40 days? 
Oh please share the parts of your journey that have made your face shine
like Moses…
Please leave your thoughts in the comments!
*
  

March 1, 2020 Blog

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Craig and Bethany says

    March 29, 2020 at 5:47 am

    So many good comments.
    And such an interesting question.

    Genuine selflessness for even one day. I think of CS Lewis remarking the same sentiment that selflessness necessarily focuses on self, but love necessarily focuses on the object of affection. Love results in selflessness without ever seeking it. I find this most easily in worship, adoration reorienting the self. My insecurities and pride fall behind me like a shadow, and I begin to think rightly and be rightly and do rightly in response to his glory. I think in reading, and meditating on, and believing God‘s promises, I lay down the tyranny of self. Each one is an audacious claim, outrageous. Each day I learn to believe them a little more.

    Reply
  2. Susan Cowger says

    March 3, 2020 at 12:48 am

    Laurie, I love how you go ahead and make the turn from yourself there at the end! Isn't that it?! Our days will be filled with turning away from self, free falling again and again back into the arms of Grace, no doubt. Thank you for boldly being the example!

    Reply
  3. Laurie says

    March 2, 2020 at 11:17 pm

    I hear a call to exhale, to relax backward into unseen, waiting arms like a blind-folded person does during those annoying team-building exercises that Visiting Experts make co-workers attempt. Except this isn't about solving problems or keeping one's job or status or being seen as a good sport, or even going first, to set an example. More like offering the bare ounce of nerve and/or trust you can muster to the-Grace-you-hope-will-appear-in-the-actual-moment. In short, committing. So viewing Lent as the latest springboard, will I give more than a nod to this stark invitation to re-aim my startled attention starting now, oh, especially NOW, as I "publish" this comment? God keep me honest and may it be so, again and again, even if only by degrees, for as long as Love's ongoing free fall beckons . . .

    Reply
  4. Susan Cowger says

    March 2, 2020 at 5:55 pm

    Jenn that is so true. It seems like the root of striving is a kind of self-centeredness. Oh to swing the camera around and take the focus off me as many times as necessary over 40 days, 40 yrs, a lifetime!

    Reply
  5. Jenn says

    March 2, 2020 at 9:31 am

    I wonder if we could simply give up our striving. What if lent was not about trying harder, but simply abandoning our efforts, and fixing our attention on the One who is both the author and perfector of our faith? Ironic that ceasing striving could become an effort in an of itself.

    Reply
  6. Susan Cowger says

    March 2, 2020 at 12:00 am

    FYI Goat and Wooden Woman are both me, Susan. Can I make if any more confusing to people? Working on it. Apparently my phone thinks I am Goat and my computer thinks I'm Wooden Woman.

    Reply
  7. Susan Cowger says

    March 1, 2020 at 11:47 pm

    Oh that "feeling a little guilty" thing gets us with a little stab, doesn't it? Your last sentence is full of submission to the will of God, doing what you know is good and right. A simple and perfect step forward. A heart after God's heart.

    Reply
  8. Mara says

    March 1, 2020 at 10:10 pm

    Such good questions! I was feeling a little guilty that I'm not giving anything up for lent. However, I'm dedicated (however, I've missed a few days) to prayer, using the Seek God For the City guide. Ahhh, Father, have Your way with us!

    Reply
  9. Goat says

    March 1, 2020 at 6:59 pm

    Wow. How many ways to say YES. Nailed it—recognizing the difference between self control and submission. The clarity is refreshing. Pass the grit.

    Reply
  10. Pig Woman says

    March 1, 2020 at 7:32 am

    Can't say I ever really got the 40 day thing but is it cheating to just pray, mold my will to be the same as Yours? And then wait and see how you turn out? Well, not just for the 40 days but with a 40 day kickoff? Does it have to be hard, the more torturous the better? Or is the ultimate submission enough leaving the hard part to God? Not by my might but by His. I guess I can't see God caring about a brownie or watching people practice self-control when self-control is kinda what we need to give up to to submit to His will. I get the picture in my mind of the optical illusion of the upstairs that turn into downstairs when I think about the difference between submission and self-control but it is different. Self-control is a fight with self, your eye being continually on self. Submission your eye is on God, His will. The first tortuous, the later, more just a gift.

    Reply

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