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Susan Cowger

Art & Poetry

Art Poetry

FIRST ENTRY: Go to your room and come out happy

by Susan Cowger 8 Comments

“Go to your room.
You may not come out until you are happy
,” my daughter quietly instructs one of her children, who is pitching a
fit. Do not come out until you are happy (period). That is a
capital period.
But but but …
In all of 5 seconds
the irascible child marches to the bedroom and back. No sour sigh or slouched
shoulders, no dragging toes over hardwood floors, no stomp, sharp elbows or jut
of jaw. Decision made. Skillfully performed. We cheer at giving children
this lifelong skill, yet, it bumps up against something hard in my life.
Even as a fairly
civil adult, attitude ensnares me.

Example: Engineer
(husband) and I get on either side in a discussion (argument), I am a black
tide of determination. UNDERSTAND ME, I decree, UNDERSTAND my point of view.
Relentless—if we want to find solution, I must be heard and understood. I. Must.
Be. Understood.
Go to your room
and come back happy
.
I pause. I frown. I
don’t understand. 
Go to your room
and come back happy. 
I am
confused.
Enter an argument
without attitude. Enter without the need to be heard.
Everything tells me
this is wrong … and impossible. My emotions are the POINT of the argument … I
AM HURT … slighted.
I craft a litany of
objections on how Engineer would then NEVER know how hurt I was, how important
this knowledge is to our future. And God whispers in my ear … 


Go to your room and
come out fine and
… maybe, just maybe you are not hurt after all.  
 Maybe I am not hurt?
It seesaws back and
forth for my consideration. Maybe I am not hurt after all.
 
Giving up my right to
be hurt—means      I am not hurt.
I cannot tell you how
wrong this seems.
And yet. …
 *

Afterword:
This is not about who is right and who is wrong. It is about me giving up the right to be hurt. It
is about how I look over my own shoulder and watch for any reason to strike out
(to make my point). It is about me not seeking understanding. Not being hurt–what could make a better listener?
I begin to see a firm
path … of objectivity rather than emotions. What happened vs how I felt about
what happened.
Do hard things.
 
    
  

 
  

August 12, 2012 Blog

Previous Post: « DO HARD THINGS
Next Post: SECOND ENTRY: Mirror Mirror »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. OZsupplier says

    April 24, 2013 at 12:20 pm

    This is a great feat indeed. It seems most transformations begin with a very deliberate act of the will.
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    Reply
  2. Atlas Equipments says

    February 4, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    I truly love your website.. Pleasant colors & theme.

    – Portable Concrete Batching Plant | Screed vibrator | Stationary Concrete Plant

    Reply
  3. Susan Cowger says

    August 14, 2012 at 3:17 am

    Pig Woman–I believe you are right. If you cannot manage more than acting happy, somehow that imperfect step begins the transformation.

    Reply
  4. thefisherlady says

    August 13, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    dear Goat… this is wisdom…
    I must ask God to make it real in my life too

    Go to my room … come out happy

    Reply
  5. Pig Woman says

    August 13, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Maybe it is not so much about actually being happy when we come out. I would likely have to stew in my room for a good long time for that transformation to occur. Maybe it is a slightly easier step of going to our room, and coming out at least pretending to be happy. Put a smile on our face and your brain can't tell the difference between the real and the forced. They have found that we act our way into feeling, not feel our way into acting. We do this and maybe, just maybe there is not hurt after all.

    Just trying to find an easier way out of doing hard things. (snort)

    Reply
  6. Brian Miller says

    August 12, 2012 at 11:32 am

    nice…there is some good wisdom in this…when we let our emotions/attitude get involved in a conversation/argument it can def take a left turn really quick…

    Reply
  7. Craig and Bethany says

    August 12, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Ah yes, turning that huge ship of emotion with the rudder of your will. This is a great feat indeed. It seems most transformations begin with a very deliberate act of the will.

    Reply
  8. S. Etole says

    August 12, 2012 at 4:47 am

    Giving up our right to be right … a never-ending struggle it seems.

    Reply

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