Have you ever gotten something, had a stunning moment of great longing finally arrive? And while it unloads its baggage in your margins, you have a caving moment of clarity. Monumental and heavy expectations are making themselves at home.
It’s the disconnect between ego that can do anything and reality where you no longer can hide the lack.
And what are these lead boots? But no one mentioned there were lead boots—meaning you DO have to DO the hard things being stacked in the guest room.
Have you ever tried to fix yourself via book or blog or podcast? Looks good, sounds good, worked for at least one other person AND OHMIGOSH those people at the top are waving at you.
The tradeoff is sand. Now I have to run through fix-it-yourself sand. Trudge an endless beach of deep loose grit. It’s hot from the sun, burning my feet and just as filled with uncertainty as before. Stopping is worse than shuffling ahead.
This is a shore. Sand is firmer where waves roll over it. I go for the water, but the pull of the tides washes the sand from under my feet, taking any possible balance with it.
I wade in deeper; all in now. It’s cold. I think about giving up but there are others, people on each side of me saying prayers.
But I do give up–all I can and cannot be. I slip under, releasing my will entirely to God
. . . and they pull me up.
Not my will but thy will be done, floods me with
I need you.
Hope doesn’t exactly fill me.
It frees me to be enough.
to not be afraid to ask you for help.
Letting go. It’s hard. Humiliating. Freeing.
Tell your story of lead boots in the comments.
The stories give courage.
We need courage.
We need God.
We need each other.
Yes! exactly,Bethany. So counter intuitive.
Craig and Bethany says
Embrace the humiliation and like baptism we arise, made whole. Your images call me through an ocean of words, and I see exactly what you mean. Brilliant. Lead boots sink to the bottom.